Happy With Where I Am

Sometimes I feel like this journey is moving too slow, like I should be further along in on this journey to greatness. I’m constantly asking myself, “are you there yet?”

When things are going well in my life, I try to talk myself through the steps of what to do the next time things aren’t that great. I pray and meditate on it, visualize myself in certain situations, practice what I’m not going to do and/or say when I’m in these hard times. But there lies the problem, all the things I do to get ready for when the next rough season of life arrives, I’m not taking time to enjoy the season of good.

This realization came to me recently as I was preparing my weekly to do list. Week after week I was writing the same task, in the same order. In that moment, I was a little discouraged. I started to chastise myself with negativity, it was really bad, to the point of feeling worthless.

I think  women in general, mothers specifically,  are in a sense, quantified by the amount of things they get done in a day, A woman / mother is considered good if she’s doing and going and handling things all the time. But I digress, I was so focused on the things that I wasn’t getting done that I completely lost sight of all that I did accomplish.

After beating myself up, I was in a very dark place, a place that I find myself in all too often, the Holy Spirit showed me all the things I did during the week, most of which I hadn’t written down or otherwise documented or acknowledged, but I did them nonetheless. This is when the realization hit me that I was stuck stressing the “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve,” that I wasn’t paying attention to “what is.”

I’m trying to adopt the mindset of being in the present, finding a sense of accomplishment in the small things and not equating my self-worth to what I do or don’t do.

This journey is a process, I understand that. I’m not always going to get it right every time. I just need to happy with where I am because I’m not where I was.

If you don’t accomplish all you set out to do, does it affect how you feel about yourself?

May god be with you until we meet again.