I’m Glad I’m Not Where I Use To Be, Because I Was Mad
So last Saturday someone made a comment about something that has been weighing on my mind for a few weeks. This person wasn’t directly directing the comment towards me, but indirectly the comment was about me and mine. The old me would have let my tongue loose and told this person where to go and what to do when they got there, grabbed my kids, and stormed off. The improving me, however, said something–with a bridled tongue, of course, turned around and graciously walked away.
Just below the surface, however, I was fuming–like steam-coming-out-of-my-ears-pissed.
The thing about it was, I was already feeling a certain way about the situation and the comment sort of confirmed what I was already feeling. I felt my spirit grow more bitter as the minutes passed. The negative thoughts toward this person kept building and Satan kept fueling the fire growing in me by letting past “sly” remarks they’ve made come to the forefront of my memory.
I was in such a bad state that an hour later I was sitting in the corner not talking to anyone.
Because of His loving-kindness, somewhere in the midst of my anger, the Holy Spirit began ministering to me. I love Him because He always talks to me so plainly allowing time for self-reflection. He has no need to sugar-coat the truth with/for me. Thank you, Holy Spirit.
First I heard Him ask: Did they really mean it the way you took it?
I had to really think about it. I was the one that brought my feelings to the table. This person had not a clue that I was wrestling with the issue, yet I assumed they were taking a stab at me. I was projecting my issue on them. And if I was truly honest it wasn’t fair to them. I was having all these thoughts towards them and they didn’t even know that they’d offended me.
Then the Holy Spirit told me something I need to hear in times of perceived conflict, he said, “it’s not even about you.”
When someone says or do something I don’t like, whether directly or indirectly, I automatically think it’s about me. I never take into account that there could be insinuating circumstances that caused them to say or act the way that they did.
Finally, The Holy Spirit brought it all home, he told me if I let this small thing fester I was going to lose the opportunity to break through this person hard exterior and build a friendship.
And it was a small thing, in the grand scheme of things. So what my feelings were hurt and I was secretly emotional about the whole thing.
It wasn’t worth my energy to be angry.
After I came to this realization, I started to feel better–even about the issue I was fretting over–I started to see it in a different light.
I truly thank God that I didn’t fly off the handle because it would have been bad. SO VERY BAD. I know what I can become when I’m angry, it would have changed the entire dynamics of a budding friendship.
God is still working on me, I feel it on the inside–but I’m glad I can see change manifest on the outside. I still have a long way to go, but I’m glad I’m not where I use to be.
Have you had a moment where you could see the change God has made in your life? I would love to hear about it, comment below.
May God be with you until we meet again.